I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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