WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
