and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
