I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
