my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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