thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
