I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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