Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
