he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
