this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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