i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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