Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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