Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
