Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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