I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
