I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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