You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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