So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
