he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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