just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
