R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
