So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She announced her abortion via fbk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
