BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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