he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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