I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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