I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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