Fuck appropriateness.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
