My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We are two peas in an std pod
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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