Girls should come with a carfax report
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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