It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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