You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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