apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
