so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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