I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
