her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
