He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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