Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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