Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
