Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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