so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
