She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
