Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
