I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
