The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't deserve a penis
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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