I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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