STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
