Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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