your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
