Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
