I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
