I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
