Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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