brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
