I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
