So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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