No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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