Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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