Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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