it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
