My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
