dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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