Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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