Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It's just like the Real World with babies
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
