oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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