He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
