last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?