the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible