He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
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I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?