i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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