So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
