Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
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Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.