went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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