so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck