Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.