Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
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Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night