Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
