It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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