It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
