did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my being single is dangerous.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
